Friday, August 01, 2008

Dear Noah.......


Yesterday morning you slept in a lot longer than usual. I found myself wondering if you were still alive....or if you died during the night. I remember the first time I wondered this same thing......when you were but 8 weeks old and it was the first time you slept straight through the entire night...10 hours of sleep! I woke up panicked...as we all slept in for a change.....and I was worried surely something must be wrong.

I went into your room to find you smiling back at me......just waking up for the day.

Now your body is on such a set schedule...you wake up like clockwork pretty much the same time every day. So when you don't ...I really wonder if something is wrong. I imagine this is natural for moms....but I figured by now that anxiousness would have long ago passed.

But I don't know....maybe it never will.

I am not sure why I sometimes get filled with sad thoughts about you.....feelings of loss....while you are here. I try to make my brain focus on all the good things and the fact that you ARE here. I wonder if it is normal to have these thoughts sometimes....and I am not sure where they come from.

I do know I cannot imagine my world without you in it.

I love you Noah.....to the moon and back again....forever I will.

Mommy
XOXOX

9 comments:

kyra said...

i know that feeling! the first time fluffy slept in for ages after we all had gotten up, i was so disoriented!

that noah is such a wonderful boy!

Old Lady Lincoln said...

It happens to all Mom's no matter the age of the child. When they pretty much have a set pattern and something is different, right away we think the worse.

Now it's your Dad, he's been sleeping later than usual and I wonder what's going on, but his sleep pattern now is more like it should be, goes to bed around 10 and gets up around 5:30 or 6, more what I call normal hours. LOL

Audrey is spending the day with Becky, they will be back for lunch, so I better get the macaroni salad mixed up, cooling the macaroni right now. Going to fix Nathan hot dogs, macaroni salad, watermelon and cantaloupe. Of course some plain macaroni for Audrey and we'll also have chips for anyone that wants some. Have to run. Love you both.

Osh said...

I don't think that feeling ever goes away...I can't sleep until Evan is asleep, and I still wake up to check on him at 14.

This mother's love is powerful stuff.

Seeking Simplicity said...

The other morning when I woke up, Audrey was asleep. I looked over at her... and I couldn't see her chest moving. I thought oh my God... she's dead. I mean... she was sleeping on her stomach, her face completely in the pillow. I placed my hand on her back... and she finally gasped. It was scary.

Wanda said...

Hi Noah....The picture your mom posted of Hi Diddle Diddle is one of my favorite Nursery Rhymes.

My grand son that is seven just stayed with me for 2 days and I was telling him that rhyme.

Hope you are feeling better today...I think of you often.

Wanda

Jack and Joann said...

Every mom out there is saying the same thing: a mother's love is awesome. Makes you wonder if God isn't a mother to us all---the same type of constant caring.

Wanda said...

Good Morning Noah ~~

It's Sunday and I'm on my way to church, and the nice people there are saying prayers for you and your mommy.


Hugs and have a great day!

Wanda

Melinda said...

thank you everyone for the wonderful comments.....and thanks Wanda for you and your church's prayers!

kristi said...

I had this fear for TC too...because his leg was broken at daycare when he was 3 months old. I was TERRIFIED that something bad was going to happen to him again.